It is somewhat awkward writing on the subject, being a virgin male committed to waiting for marriage. But I am compelled to write nonetheless. Should being a devout Christian virgin disqualify me from writing on the subject? No, I don’t think so. In fact, in this exploration, I am curious as to what I will come up with to say on the matter. Who knows? It might be worth reading. I’ve been attracted to many women in my life. However, they often did not possess physical attributes normally associate with beauty. The girl from Israel didn’t. Neither did the one from Vietnam. The girl from Israel would probably be considered plain by most people, but I found her intensely beautiful. Some will likely accuse me of “settling”, but I actually place beauty fairly low on the list of priorities when dating women; I would much prefer a plain Jane that behaves herself to a bratty beauty that thinks she can act out however she wants.
Why is there such a thing as beauty?
I’ve often wondered “why?”. Why are men programmed to only sexual desire certain women, and not settle for just any woman in range? Why did nature (or God Himself) program us this way? Why am I attracted to some women physically, and others not? Is it divine intervention?
What are these qualities that men favor so highly? Typically large breasts, a flat stomach, a toned backside, long legs, and a head full of flowing, radiant hair. Why do men find these qualities sexually attractive anyways? What do they have to do with reproduction? A woman’s hair, eyes, breasts, and buttocks have nothing to do with her ability to bear and raise children. So why are men always after women with these qualities? The only two that mildly relate to motherhood are breast size and the flat stomach. A flat stomach means the woman isn’t obese, which is an increasingly common problem these days. Large breasts (in the minds of males) may be associated with increased breastmilk production, and therefore more food for his young. But larger breasts don’t produce more milk; they can just hold more milk. A beautiful face is often a symmetric face. What on earth does a symmetric face have to do with reproductive fitness?
Furthermore, why is there such a thing as “beauty”? From a reproductive standpoint, it seems counter-productive, since it slows the propagation of the human race. Perhaps it is an evolutionary mechanism to ensure strong genes are passed on. The idea is that by linking sexual attractiveness to traits which aid survival, weak genes are culled from the gene pool. Women are of course, attracted to strong muscular men, as a strong man can defend her and her young from the depredations of hostile males. However, the welfare state has turned this sorting process on its head, by subsidizing the birthing habits of substandard males and females (that however, its a subject for a whole different essay.
The curious thing is that high cognitive ability doesn’t seem to carry and weight in terms of sexual attractiveness. I think that is because we have only recently (since about the Industrial Revolution) been placed in an environment where there is serious selective pressure exerted on being smart. Who knows? In many generations, as we move further into an information-rich technological society, we may see women instinctively pursuing highly intelligent men and rejecting physically strong ones. This of course, will never happen in anyone person’s lifetime. Mankind’s history for too long has been “poor, nasty, brutish, and short”, and women have been hard-wired through thousands of years of evolution to grant sexual access solely to strong, aggressive men. Perhaps the welfare state is here to stay as well, and will continue to put high-IQ men at a disadvantage by taxing their resources to fund the exploits of their sexual competitors.
Female Sexual Attraction
Female sexual attraction is even more complicated. Of course, women love ripped men; the V-shaped torso is considered sexually attractive across virtually every culture. But female sexual attraction appears to be far more linked to a man’s status in a group, and material wealth. A man that commands other men is seen as highly desirable by a woman, as it means she has more males at her disposal for her own protection. As diplomat Henry Kissinger said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”
I can only hazard a guess at what women think of the male penis. Most polls I’ve seen say the size of the penis is totally irrelevant for purposes of sexual pleasure (very large penises are actually at a disadvantage, as they make sex painful). As an aside, I am proud to admit I have not spent one iota of time moping over the size of my genitals as many men do (the penis pill industry wouldn’t be able to charge hundreds of dollars a month for “male enhancement” pills if a large contingent of men weren’t doing the moping.) I can scarcely think of a more pointless waste of time, money, and emotional capital. Who cares? Women sure don’t. Besides, it is pointless to waste time moping about one’s own body.
It is quite odd when you think about it: Men are driven to penetrate females; women are driven to be penetrated by males. I’ve often wondered what sex is exactly like for a woman. I even Googled it to see if I could drum up some female opinion on the subject. Women seem to link penetration by a penis with a feeling of “fullness” or “being filled”, which on the surface makes sense. Am I to understand then, that the default state for a woman is a feeling of “emptiness”? If so, I actually feel somewhat sorry for women; a default state of “emptiness” sounds like a terrible feeling to carry around all the time (theoretically, gay men should feel this same sense of “emptiness.”). As a male, I feel the exact opposite feeling. As time goes on through the day, and my scrotum gradually fills with semen, I feel a gnawing sense of “fullness”, which I desire to rid myself of by filling a woman’s vagina. Post-release is a wonderful feeling of “emptiness”, I find it to be a very calming feeling.
Fullness and Emptiness
Is that the two poles of the male-female sexual dynamic: fullness and emptiness? I don’t know. Most of the questions I have asked in this essay have been investigated by people far more learned on the subject than myself. Sexual attraction is a baffling, nonlinear, chaotic system, theoretically governed by the hard rules of survival. I am not really able to wrap my head around the reasons a given male and a given female will “hit it off” and wind up in bed with each other; all I can do is qualitatively explain why it happened after the fact, e.g. the male was rich and ripped, the female was young and beautiful, etc. I did forget “youth” as a quality that men are driven to pursue in women, which makes perfect sense from an evolutionary biological perspective, as only young women can have babies. But in any case, young men are hardly going to stop pursuing beautiful women anytime soon, no matter what genetic pressures are exerted by the technological society; and young women are not going to rebuke these men any time soon either.